Incredible. Overwhelmed. Introspective. Confused. Happy. Sad. Lonely. Foreign.
I feel all these right now.
Living in a new place is strange . . . as it should be . . . it's new. I've never been in such a new exciting place as Austin (granted NY was freakin awesome, but I knew I was leaving in 6 weeks, so I didn't let my heart get too attached. . . . there's no holding back when it comes to Austin).
I have met some really great people. My roommates are so caring. God knows exactly how to work things out. My teammates are incredible. There have been a few bumps already, but we worked through them and I'm excited because I know we'll work through more when they come.
Vox is unreal. Their vision and heart hit home with me, and I'm more than ready to jump right in and get grounded with these guys. (www.voxveniae.com)
I got my car back from the mechanic and it's doing alright. Was still giving me some trouble, but Danny Luu (my mechanic) said for me to buy fuel injector cleaner and put it in the next time I fill up, so today I did. It seems to be running better, so I'm in a little better spirits when it comes to the Nissan.
Still feeling a bit lonely. God is working a lot on my heart. There are some things I know He wants me to work through right now, and it's pretty painful, quite scary, and I'm not too sure if I'm ready. He continues to teach me more about who I am, and how He's made me. I find this almost hysterical. Shouldn't you, of all people, know yourself? After all, you have lived with yourself every second since birth, witnessed every event, walked through relationships, witnessed change . . . and yet I am still wondering who I am. It feels so weird to say that. I feel like this is something most people go through in highschool, somehow I missed that memo. Never-the-less, here we are, and here we'll stay; in this confusing anxious ambiguity of self.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Sunday, August 12, 2007
in Dallas
Well, I arrived in Dallas three or so days ago. It's been pretty awesome. I'm at Orality training at the Linguistic Institute in Dallas. We're here with loads of Wycliffe folk. It's been amazing to meet these guys. There are load of people who are home for a while from where they're stationed overseas, so it's been amazing to hear their stories. There is a lot of wisdom to take in from these guys.
My team is great. I love all the girls, and I'm so excited to get to work with them. I still have 30% of my support left to raise (that's crazy!). It's pretty crazy that they actually let me come out here without being at atleast 75%. They were pretty adament about it, but I went from 60% to 70% all within a 24 hour period. So, that was absolutely amazing! Going up 10% is a good week, let alone a good DAY. It was amazing.
I'm excited for this year. So many amazing things are going to happen. This is only the beginning of the story. I know in a year we're going to look back to this training week and smile and how far God has taken us. What a glorious adventure it is to be walking with the Lord!
My team is great. I love all the girls, and I'm so excited to get to work with them. I still have 30% of my support left to raise (that's crazy!). It's pretty crazy that they actually let me come out here without being at atleast 75%. They were pretty adament about it, but I went from 60% to 70% all within a 24 hour period. So, that was absolutely amazing! Going up 10% is a good week, let alone a good DAY. It was amazing.
I'm excited for this year. So many amazing things are going to happen. This is only the beginning of the story. I know in a year we're going to look back to this training week and smile and how far God has taken us. What a glorious adventure it is to be walking with the Lord!
Friday, June 29, 2007
not what i expected
God is unbelievably amazing, and I have never before been so in love with Him as I am now.
For those of you who read this, please be praying for me as I continue to raise support to be a missionary in Austin this coming year, beginning in August. Pray big and pray hard, that God will bring in this money quickly, and that the supporters will give generously and monthly.
A dear friend of mine from school, a Hindu from birth from India, shared with me his story of salvation tonight. I felt very blessed to get to hear how God has been working in his life. The Lord amazes me, with His persistance of the human race. Sometimes, I look around and I totally understand why He would flood this place. It amazes me how His grace is so overwhelming. He never holds it back, He is so patient with us. Hearing this guys story of how God continually, for years, pursued Him. His mother and sister (living in India still) have become christians. They are all praying for their agnostic father. I pray as well that God will move and work in his life in unexpected and powerful ways.
I am so thankful to be where I am in life right now. Granted, raising support to be a full time missionary is a lot harder than I expected (but God is teaching me SO much! which I am thankful for!). I am so excited to be moving out to Texas, following the Lord's plan for my life. I have no idea where exactly He's taking me. I know for a year I'll be in Austin, but after that . . . I have no idea, but what I do know . . . is that He knows, and that is all I need.
I am so blessed.
For those of you who read this, please be praying for me as I continue to raise support to be a missionary in Austin this coming year, beginning in August. Pray big and pray hard, that God will bring in this money quickly, and that the supporters will give generously and monthly.
A dear friend of mine from school, a Hindu from birth from India, shared with me his story of salvation tonight. I felt very blessed to get to hear how God has been working in his life. The Lord amazes me, with His persistance of the human race. Sometimes, I look around and I totally understand why He would flood this place. It amazes me how His grace is so overwhelming. He never holds it back, He is so patient with us. Hearing this guys story of how God continually, for years, pursued Him. His mother and sister (living in India still) have become christians. They are all praying for their agnostic father. I pray as well that God will move and work in his life in unexpected and powerful ways.
I am so thankful to be where I am in life right now. Granted, raising support to be a full time missionary is a lot harder than I expected (but God is teaching me SO much! which I am thankful for!). I am so excited to be moving out to Texas, following the Lord's plan for my life. I have no idea where exactly He's taking me. I know for a year I'll be in Austin, but after that . . . I have no idea, but what I do know . . . is that He knows, and that is all I need.
I am so blessed.
Thursday, June 7, 2007
getting back
i am amazed at God. truly truly amazed. i am so selfish! it irritates me how utterly selfish i am, and how blind i am to it! totally blind. i look at all the money i need to raise for Texas, and i am overwhelmed, and so out of my own selfish desire to have it all in, i begin calling people . . .
i work for God from myself . . . and nothing gets done.
PRAISE GOD nothing gets done!! He is the one to do it, and when i'm not turning to Him . . . then He receives no glory.
i broke down and cried . . . hard . . . today. i'm super behind in raising support, and i want nothing more than to serve Him in Austin.
God is teaching me . . . that . . . it's not about the money, the support, the percentage. It's about me and Him. It's about Him loving me and me messing up every day trying to love Him back. I'm such a terrible lover. Praise God that He keeps trying to teach me. Seriously, if i were Him, i would have given up long ago. i'm so glad He's not like me.
*********
Stephen Crotts lent me a book. The Irresistable Revolution. (check it out at www.irresistablerevolution.org).
This book is slowly but surely changing my life. In a way that no book (other than the Bible) ever has before. It seriously, is screaming what my heart longs to be like, to live like, to share Christ like. It shows me that it's possible to live the faith like Jesus intended in this society. It shows me that there is hope in our cities. . . . there is hope . . . . PRAISE GOD!
God is challenging me to rethink how i live. rethink how i love people. rethink how i spend my money. rethink how i communicate. rethink life.
i believe that there is a powerful movement of God about to sweep over this nation. He is about to show Himself, and first . . . first He must change His followers. To those to profess to represent the Creator of the Universe, to those who say they are apart of the Way, to those that profess the Good News, He is changing us first. Through us He wishes to change this nation, this world, but He must change us first. I pray we are willing . . . willing to forget our consumer selves, our nit picky selfish ways. I pray we can let go of baggage and self centered living. I pray we let our dreams crash to the floor, that we quickly and earnestly come running when He calls our name, oh . . . how i pray that the people who profess to love Him . . . would do that . . . they would love Him, failing all the while, trying to make Him known to a world consumed with self.
i pray that we as followers would learn to live simply, trusting God each day to direct our lives, to recreate our dreams, to repaint our canvas.
i work for God from myself . . . and nothing gets done.
PRAISE GOD nothing gets done!! He is the one to do it, and when i'm not turning to Him . . . then He receives no glory.
i broke down and cried . . . hard . . . today. i'm super behind in raising support, and i want nothing more than to serve Him in Austin.
God is teaching me . . . that . . . it's not about the money, the support, the percentage. It's about me and Him. It's about Him loving me and me messing up every day trying to love Him back. I'm such a terrible lover. Praise God that He keeps trying to teach me. Seriously, if i were Him, i would have given up long ago. i'm so glad He's not like me.
*********
Stephen Crotts lent me a book. The Irresistable Revolution. (check it out at www.irresistablerevolution.org).
This book is slowly but surely changing my life. In a way that no book (other than the Bible) ever has before. It seriously, is screaming what my heart longs to be like, to live like, to share Christ like. It shows me that it's possible to live the faith like Jesus intended in this society. It shows me that there is hope in our cities. . . . there is hope . . . . PRAISE GOD!
God is challenging me to rethink how i live. rethink how i love people. rethink how i spend my money. rethink how i communicate. rethink life.
i believe that there is a powerful movement of God about to sweep over this nation. He is about to show Himself, and first . . . first He must change His followers. To those to profess to represent the Creator of the Universe, to those who say they are apart of the Way, to those that profess the Good News, He is changing us first. Through us He wishes to change this nation, this world, but He must change us first. I pray we are willing . . . willing to forget our consumer selves, our nit picky selfish ways. I pray we can let go of baggage and self centered living. I pray we let our dreams crash to the floor, that we quickly and earnestly come running when He calls our name, oh . . . how i pray that the people who profess to love Him . . . would do that . . . they would love Him, failing all the while, trying to make Him known to a world consumed with self.
i pray that we as followers would learn to live simply, trusting God each day to direct our lives, to recreate our dreams, to repaint our canvas.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
postmodern
The fact that God has written a plan for me still amazes me. More and more every day, the more and more I try to get closer to Him, the more He reveals to me about what He's doing and is going to do with my life. How blessed I am to know the Creator!!
I just finished Wicca's Charm by Catherine Edwards Sanders (a christian journalist). It was an amazing book discussing Wicca and the growing interest and practice of that spirituality along with paganism and goddess worship. Let's just say it was very enlightening. I used to think that learning about such things was wrong, that it was bad to fill the mind with things that are non-christian. Then I heard a speaker over winter break talk about Daniel and what God called him to. Daniel learned and studied pagan culture. He was even known by the King Nebuchadnezzar for his outstanding knowledge as the best in his class.
a quote from the book that I found incredibly relevant and applicable:
"My friend Lilian, with the Damaris Project, likes to say that Christians would not send pastors or missionaries to China without instructing them in the language, customs, and culture of the Chinese people. Should Christians living in American culture be any different? Shouldn't we learn how to relate to those around us whose language, customs, and culture differ from ours?"
WOW! I think there is such truth in those sentences. We, as believers, are called to authentic faith that reaches out to those that are different than us. We are to meet people where they are, now granted, in America this is very hard. Our culture is extremely diverse, growing ever more toward a postmodern view of the world: all is one, everything is interconnected, all religions are the same, we are our own gods. In a society like this we as followers of Christ are to be equiped to understand where they come from. This means we have to love them enough to listen, to study, to do research to figure out where they are coming from.
Personally, this seems like a huge task to undertake, but just like we equip missionaries to go overseas, with abundant research into the culture, the people's history, their various religions and the best way to introduce the person of Jesus to an individual growing up in such a culture, we need to be doing that in America. I'm so excited because that's exactly what i'm going to get to do this upcoming year in Austin, TX. My team will do thurough research into the current college culture in America and then pray and trust God to tell us how to best introduce Christ to them. Then, we'll document all of what we do online (www.fireseedanthology.wordpress.com) and the research and the results will go to help Campus Crusade for Christ over all be able to better communicate the saving truth of Jesus to the college student.
I feel so blessed to be a part of something like this. God is so amazing. This is something I've always wanted to do!!
I just finished Wicca's Charm by Catherine Edwards Sanders (a christian journalist). It was an amazing book discussing Wicca and the growing interest and practice of that spirituality along with paganism and goddess worship. Let's just say it was very enlightening. I used to think that learning about such things was wrong, that it was bad to fill the mind with things that are non-christian. Then I heard a speaker over winter break talk about Daniel and what God called him to. Daniel learned and studied pagan culture. He was even known by the King Nebuchadnezzar for his outstanding knowledge as the best in his class.
a quote from the book that I found incredibly relevant and applicable:
"My friend Lilian, with the Damaris Project, likes to say that Christians would not send pastors or missionaries to China without instructing them in the language, customs, and culture of the Chinese people. Should Christians living in American culture be any different? Shouldn't we learn how to relate to those around us whose language, customs, and culture differ from ours?"
WOW! I think there is such truth in those sentences. We, as believers, are called to authentic faith that reaches out to those that are different than us. We are to meet people where they are, now granted, in America this is very hard. Our culture is extremely diverse, growing ever more toward a postmodern view of the world: all is one, everything is interconnected, all religions are the same, we are our own gods. In a society like this we as followers of Christ are to be equiped to understand where they come from. This means we have to love them enough to listen, to study, to do research to figure out where they are coming from.
Personally, this seems like a huge task to undertake, but just like we equip missionaries to go overseas, with abundant research into the culture, the people's history, their various religions and the best way to introduce the person of Jesus to an individual growing up in such a culture, we need to be doing that in America. I'm so excited because that's exactly what i'm going to get to do this upcoming year in Austin, TX. My team will do thurough research into the current college culture in America and then pray and trust God to tell us how to best introduce Christ to them. Then, we'll document all of what we do online (www.fireseedanthology.wordpress.com) and the research and the results will go to help Campus Crusade for Christ over all be able to better communicate the saving truth of Jesus to the college student.
I feel so blessed to be a part of something like this. God is so amazing. This is something I've always wanted to do!!
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
the end of the semester
this past weekend was amazing. we walked through how to raise support (build a ministry partner base). let's just say i have A LOT to do . . . not to mention finish up the semester . . . and try to get decent grades.
right now i'm trying to recreate the notebook we're supposed to be using to communicate the vision of the next year to our potential ministry partners. the bad news is . . . the notebook that they created for all the interns, doesn't really make sense for what my team will be doing. so, that's why i'm having to recreate it. which, isn't a bad thing, i'll feel more comfortable if i've made it, but . . . i have no idea where all this time is going to come from. no worries though. that's one thing i've learned . . . no matter how much gets piled on your plate, or how impossible it seems, don't worry about it! somehow . . . time passes and things get done. everything always turns out okay in the end.
. . . the end . . . that seems so far from now.
please pray for the following things. these things are greatly needed =)
1. my computer: if my computer doesn't get up and running i have no idea how i'm going to keep track of all my supporters (there will be so many, and so many appointments to keep up with, i really need a database) so pray that my computer gets back to life some time soon, or that i can borrow one for the summer/this support raising season
2. supporters would be raised up through the people i know and through the people they know (referrals). pray that their hearts are generously prepared to give (of their time, prayers, and resources)
3. a car. texas is a long way off, and i know my car will not make it. i need a car that will be able to make it out there and back to SC possibly several times a year.
4. God to receive the glory from this entire ministry raising season. pray that all the meetings go well, and i am able to share the gospel when He leads.
right now i'm trying to recreate the notebook we're supposed to be using to communicate the vision of the next year to our potential ministry partners. the bad news is . . . the notebook that they created for all the interns, doesn't really make sense for what my team will be doing. so, that's why i'm having to recreate it. which, isn't a bad thing, i'll feel more comfortable if i've made it, but . . . i have no idea where all this time is going to come from. no worries though. that's one thing i've learned . . . no matter how much gets piled on your plate, or how impossible it seems, don't worry about it! somehow . . . time passes and things get done. everything always turns out okay in the end.
. . . the end . . . that seems so far from now.
please pray for the following things. these things are greatly needed =)
1. my computer: if my computer doesn't get up and running i have no idea how i'm going to keep track of all my supporters (there will be so many, and so many appointments to keep up with, i really need a database) so pray that my computer gets back to life some time soon, or that i can borrow one for the summer/this support raising season
2. supporters would be raised up through the people i know and through the people they know (referrals). pray that their hearts are generously prepared to give (of their time, prayers, and resources)
3. a car. texas is a long way off, and i know my car will not make it. i need a car that will be able to make it out there and back to SC possibly several times a year.
4. God to receive the glory from this entire ministry raising season. pray that all the meetings go well, and i am able to share the gospel when He leads.
Thursday, April 5, 2007
heart ache
one week till the 'kick off' weekend for crusade. one week until my life changes forever. at this weekend, they will cast vision, they will inform me on how to raise a support team for the next year. one week until it becomes even more real to me.
every now and again my heart just ACHES because of the fact that i'm leaving all these people i know and love so dearly. they mean SO much to me, and to just have them vanish from my every day life is going to be hard.
"Lord, you give and take way" a phrase all too often sung during worship. this past week at new spring we sung that song and it hit me harder than it's hit me yet . . . the Lord is giving me this AMAZING future, written for me, for His glory . . . the most amazing life i could ever ever live, but in order to have that . . . all that i've known until this point has to be taken away. i feel like Abraham leaving for the promised land. i know that's crazy. my story isn't nearly that dramatic (i don't know, it feels that dramatic!).
i want to spend SO much time with all of them. with each person that has meant so much to me, and even the people i don't know all that well. the entire community of love and tenderness up until this point has been priceless. i can look back on these 3 years and i know that they are pivotal in God's design for me.
my heart brakes to know that i won't have this anymore.
every now and again my heart just ACHES because of the fact that i'm leaving all these people i know and love so dearly. they mean SO much to me, and to just have them vanish from my every day life is going to be hard.
"Lord, you give and take way" a phrase all too often sung during worship. this past week at new spring we sung that song and it hit me harder than it's hit me yet . . . the Lord is giving me this AMAZING future, written for me, for His glory . . . the most amazing life i could ever ever live, but in order to have that . . . all that i've known until this point has to be taken away. i feel like Abraham leaving for the promised land. i know that's crazy. my story isn't nearly that dramatic (i don't know, it feels that dramatic!).
i want to spend SO much time with all of them. with each person that has meant so much to me, and even the people i don't know all that well. the entire community of love and tenderness up until this point has been priceless. i can look back on these 3 years and i know that they are pivotal in God's design for me.
my heart brakes to know that i won't have this anymore.
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