The longer i stay here the more i hate it. that's a horrible thing to say, but really . . . this place has turned into a stench that won't run clean from me.
i just went by residence life to get my $250 housing deposit back. the deposit my po' family scraped together back when i was a freshman so i could move in on campus. i go by the office and they say that i can't get it back because i didn't sign some sheet by December 1st. i didn't know about any sheet, trust me if i had, i would have signed the stupid thing. they said that there's nothing they can do . . . now tell me this . . . 250 bucks is nothing to this stupid university, and yet it's more than nothing to me. why is the world run by such selfish legalism!? it irritates me to no end, and there's nothing i can do about it . . . except to show grace when some one comes to me.
UGH! i just wish people would look outside themselves sometimes and to see the needs in other people!
it's so hard to stay dedicated to my school work since i know i'm not going to be here next year. things are piling up, especially since i have 4 studio classes. i was up till 4 am last night and had to be at work this morning at 9. i can't function like this, and i have to keep wondering . . . is it even worth it? i suppose it is. well, for one thing, i PAID to struggle like this, so in a sense i did this to myself, and by golly i'm going to work my hardest and get through it and be stronger for it. it's just hard to keep that mind set when i know that it isn't working for a 'goal' anymore. i suppose there is still a goal, it's only changed.
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