heart ache

one week till the 'kick off' weekend for crusade. one week until my life changes forever. at this weekend, they will cast vision, they will inform me on how to raise a support team for the next year. one week until it becomes even more real to me.

every now and again my heart just ACHES because of the fact that i'm leaving all these people i know and love so dearly. they mean SO much to me, and to just have them vanish from my every day life is going to be hard.

"Lord, you give and take way" a phrase all too often sung during worship. this past week at new spring we sung that song and it hit me harder than it's hit me yet . . . the Lord is giving me this AMAZING future, written for me, for His glory . . . the most amazing life i could ever ever live, but in order to have that . . . all that i've known until this point has to be taken away. i feel like Abraham leaving for the promised land. i know that's crazy. my story isn't nearly that dramatic (i don't know, it feels that dramatic!).

i want to spend SO much time with all of them. with each person that has meant so much to me, and even the people i don't know all that well. the entire community of love and tenderness up until this point has been priceless. i can look back on these 3 years and i know that they are pivotal in God's design for me.

my heart brakes to know that i won't have this anymore.