getting back

i am amazed at God. truly truly amazed. i am so selfish! it irritates me how utterly selfish i am, and how blind i am to it! totally blind. i look at all the money i need to raise for Texas, and i am overwhelmed, and so out of my own selfish desire to have it all in, i begin calling people . . .

i work for God from myself . . . and nothing gets done.

PRAISE GOD nothing gets done!! He is the one to do it, and when i'm not turning to Him . . . then He receives no glory.

i broke down and cried . . . hard . . . today. i'm super behind in raising support, and i want nothing more than to serve Him in Austin.

God is teaching me . . . that . . . it's not about the money, the support, the percentage. It's about me and Him. It's about Him loving me and me messing up every day trying to love Him back. I'm such a terrible lover. Praise God that He keeps trying to teach me. Seriously, if i were Him, i would have given up long ago. i'm so glad He's not like me.

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Stephen Crotts lent me a book. The Irresistable Revolution. (check it out at www.irresistablerevolution.org).

This book is slowly but surely changing my life. In a way that no book (other than the Bible) ever has before. It seriously, is screaming what my heart longs to be like, to live like, to share Christ like. It shows me that it's possible to live the faith like Jesus intended in this society. It shows me that there is hope in our cities. . . . there is hope . . . . PRAISE GOD!

God is challenging me to rethink how i live. rethink how i love people. rethink how i spend my money. rethink how i communicate. rethink life.

i believe that there is a powerful movement of God about to sweep over this nation. He is about to show Himself, and first . . . first He must change His followers. To those to profess to represent the Creator of the Universe, to those who say they are apart of the Way, to those that profess the Good News, He is changing us first. Through us He wishes to change this nation, this world, but He must change us first. I pray we are willing . . . willing to forget our consumer selves, our nit picky selfish ways. I pray we can let go of baggage and self centered living. I pray we let our dreams crash to the floor, that we quickly and earnestly come running when He calls our name, oh . . . how i pray that the people who profess to love Him . . . would do that . . . they would love Him, failing all the while, trying to make Him known to a world consumed with self.

i pray that we as followers would learn to live simply, trusting God each day to direct our lives, to recreate our dreams, to repaint our canvas.