the end of the semester

this past weekend was amazing. we walked through how to raise support (build a ministry partner base). let's just say i have A LOT to do . . . not to mention finish up the semester . . . and try to get decent grades.

right now i'm trying to recreate the notebook we're supposed to be using to communicate the vision of the next year to our potential ministry partners. the bad news is . . . the notebook that they created for all the interns, doesn't really make sense for what my team will be doing. so, that's why i'm having to recreate it. which, isn't a bad thing, i'll feel more comfortable if i've made it, but . . . i have no idea where all this time is going to come from. no worries though. that's one thing i've learned . . . no matter how much gets piled on your plate, or how impossible it seems, don't worry about it! somehow . . . time passes and things get done. everything always turns out okay in the end.

. . . the end . . . that seems so far from now.

please pray for the following things. these things are greatly needed =)

1. my computer: if my computer doesn't get up and running i have no idea how i'm going to keep track of all my supporters (there will be so many, and so many appointments to keep up with, i really need a database) so pray that my computer gets back to life some time soon, or that i can borrow one for the summer/this support raising season

2. supporters would be raised up through the people i know and through the people they know (referrals). pray that their hearts are generously prepared to give (of their time, prayers, and resources)

3. a car. texas is a long way off, and i know my car will not make it. i need a car that will be able to make it out there and back to SC possibly several times a year.

4. God to receive the glory from this entire ministry raising season. pray that all the meetings go well, and i am able to share the gospel when He leads.

heart ache

one week till the 'kick off' weekend for crusade. one week until my life changes forever. at this weekend, they will cast vision, they will inform me on how to raise a support team for the next year. one week until it becomes even more real to me.

every now and again my heart just ACHES because of the fact that i'm leaving all these people i know and love so dearly. they mean SO much to me, and to just have them vanish from my every day life is going to be hard.

"Lord, you give and take way" a phrase all too often sung during worship. this past week at new spring we sung that song and it hit me harder than it's hit me yet . . . the Lord is giving me this AMAZING future, written for me, for His glory . . . the most amazing life i could ever ever live, but in order to have that . . . all that i've known until this point has to be taken away. i feel like Abraham leaving for the promised land. i know that's crazy. my story isn't nearly that dramatic (i don't know, it feels that dramatic!).

i want to spend SO much time with all of them. with each person that has meant so much to me, and even the people i don't know all that well. the entire community of love and tenderness up until this point has been priceless. i can look back on these 3 years and i know that they are pivotal in God's design for me.

my heart brakes to know that i won't have this anymore.

WHAT!?

well, i'm totally 100% accepted and going to Texas. now it's the long amazing journey of seeing God provide the means and support to get me there and provide for me while i'm there. i have no doubt that it'll happen and my life will forever be changed. i'm super excited!!!

on another note. i'm getting really irritated with some people. not really anyone in particular . . . but it's just a certain "type" of people. you know . . . it's the ones who proclaim to love Jesus . . . to 'seek Him with all their hearts' and then you're looking through their pics on facebook and WOOPS . . . there's a pic of them flippin the camera off, a pic of them making out with their boyfriend/girlfriend, a pic of them dressed all seductive, they're drinking a beer, wearing a bathing suit that let's everything show. . . and you're like . . . HUH!???!? or rather "what the freakin heck?!" i just don't get it. if you love Him, then live like you love Him! if you don't want to live like you love Him, then don't say you do . . . easy as that!

i'm not saying living for Him is easy . . . but for cyring out loud, STOP LYEING TO YOURSELF AND THE WORLD!!! just be real to who you are, if you're a person who's completely consumed with self and wants to have sex and party . . . then be THAT . . . don't say you love Jesus! ugh.

what has happened to integrity!? people care more about being socially accepted and loved than sacrificing for their savior. i understand that i need to look at them with grace as the Father does . . . but at the same time i'm tired of seeing people being passive about Christ, who claim to love and know Him! "ye shall know them by their fruit" . . . and frankly, most of the fruit i'm seeing . . . is ROTTEN!

i respect an athiest more than a lukewarm, washed out, hypocritical christian . . . atleast they live what they believe.

SUMMER!?

well, i'm trying to figure out what i should do for the summer. i know i should work . . . but the question is . . . where should i live? i can live in anderson with the girls i live with now, and pay 200 or more in rent, work at Jax and maybe BAM again . . . or i could go home and work with my family at the carpet cleaning business. . . i want to spend as much time with my family before i go as possible. but . . . i'm not sure they can afford me. but it would be great to be able to have a flexible schedule so i could raise support and such. that's very important to me. but . . . at the same time . . . i would have to drive to new spring every weekend . . . which brings me to Jax. i only just started working there . . . so if i leave for the summer and not come back in the fall . . . i will have only worked there for like 3 months maybe. i just feel bad that they would have hired someone for such a short period of time. another solution is to move home, not pay rent, work for my parents, and then come and stay with the girls i live with now on the weekends and work at jax and go to new spring. now, that sounds perfect. . . . ha, but is it my perfect, or God's perfect? we'll see. . .

gallery show?

melinda carter called me last night. she's one of the staff, and basically the genious mind behind the Austin Stint. it was so good to hear from her and to hear what God is doing in her life. She made me want to be in Austin really bad. i told her that if i could leave tomorrow i would. and truly, i would =). i submitted my applicated completely yesterday. i'll know within a couple of weeks!! and then i have to start planing and figuring things out for sure about leaving.
A friend of mine just got married a couple weeks ago, and i never knew about it. granted, we did lose touch kind of . . . but still, how can i lose touch enough to not even know she was getting married! how crazy is that!? i'm so happy for her, but i totally missed everything!
my mom called the other night just to tell me that she loved me. i was shocked. not that i don't think she loves me, but it was really really sweet of her to just call and tell me so. i think she's really sad that i'm leaving, i'm sad too . . . but i'd be even more sad to stay cuz i'd know i wasn't obeying the Father.
i completely changed what i'm doing my painting on. it's semi due on wednesday, and i'm not even 1/4 done with it. but it's okay, we're all pretty sure Mr. K will give us an extension. OH, and i talked to Jo Carol about me having an art show before i head out. she said that would be fine. so i'm really excited! she said it could probably stay up a MONTH! i'm really excited cuz now my family will be able to see what i've done and all my friends will too. it's kind of scary too though because i've never had a show before . . . so i have no idea how to set things up, i guess i'll have to get everything framed . . . i don't know. i really want to do some charcoal/pastel work. i think i'll have time to do that over spring break, cuz goodness knows i don't have time to do anything outside of class right now.

no sense legalism

The longer i stay here the more i hate it. that's a horrible thing to say, but really . . . this place has turned into a stench that won't run clean from me.

i just went by residence life to get my $250 housing deposit back. the deposit my po' family scraped together back when i was a freshman so i could move in on campus. i go by the office and they say that i can't get it back because i didn't sign some sheet by December 1st. i didn't know about any sheet, trust me if i had, i would have signed the stupid thing. they said that there's nothing they can do . . . now tell me this . . . 250 bucks is nothing to this stupid university, and yet it's more than nothing to me. why is the world run by such selfish legalism!? it irritates me to no end, and there's nothing i can do about it . . . except to show grace when some one comes to me.

UGH! i just wish people would look outside themselves sometimes and to see the needs in other people!

it's so hard to stay dedicated to my school work since i know i'm not going to be here next year. things are piling up, especially since i have 4 studio classes. i was up till 4 am last night and had to be at work this morning at 9. i can't function like this, and i have to keep wondering . . . is it even worth it? i suppose it is. well, for one thing, i PAID to struggle like this, so in a sense i did this to myself, and by golly i'm going to work my hardest and get through it and be stronger for it. it's just hard to keep that mind set when i know that it isn't working for a 'goal' anymore. i suppose there is still a goal, it's only changed.

movin and shakin

well, some huge and exciting news! I'm moving to Texas in August. I'm super excited. I know this is what the Lord wants for me, and where He is directing me to go. I'll live in Austin for a year and get to share Christ in radical ways to a post-modern crowd. i am SOOO excited. this is something i've always wanted to do. to check it out more (and i suggest you do cuz it rocks ) go to www.fireseedanthology.blogspot.com it's AMAZING.

i got a new job at Jax New Orleans Bistro in downtown Anderson. It's a super nice restaurant. It's one of those places that serves wine and the mashed potatoes are squirted out of a star shaped bag so that it's all pretty on the plate and all. it's FINE dining. I'm the hostess. last night was my first night. i really enjoyed it. i was about to die though by the end of the night because i decided to wear the wrong shoes . . . my toes are still numb today. i could barely walk. now i have to guy more shoes =(. i'm so glad i got the job though, cuz it's going to be a pretty substantial increase of income. i'm so excited because now i can start saving and paying off my student loans. God is soo good!

i haven't told my parents yet about Austin. i told them i need to have a "meeting" to tell them something. the bad news though . . . is that i'll be working every weekend at Jax. friday nite. saturday nite. and sunday. it'll work out though. maybe i can swing by there a sunday nite or something after work, and after church.

i'm amazed at how much God keeps changing my life.